One couple had a reduction in their sexual frequency, and upon careful discussion, it was revealed that one partner didn’t like his partner’s relatively recent different hairstyle. I’ve worked with a number of gay male couples who have had to discuss and negotiate boundaries about appearance.
(My article on gay male couples discussing their boundaries for themselves and each other regarding drug and alcohol use, “Of Potions, Pills, and Powders,” is here.) For couples where there is a difference, such as one partner smokes and the other does not, you can discuss the boundary of each partner making choices as an empowered, informed adult male, and while one partner is not really the “boss” of the other, there might be a discussion about relative harm reduction of risky practices or habits. We both encourage each other to have regular doctor check-ups. We take care of each other by planning healthy meals at home that take into consideration our (middle-age) health risks, such as trying to be lower-sodium.
But we discussed what makes riding safer (good quality protective gear like a high-grade helmet and body-armored leather riding gear), and taking other precautions. For example, my husband and I had to discuss and negotiate the fact that I ride a motorcycle, a well-known dangerous pastime. Sometimes you have to discuss what those boundaries are.